Character Parodies!
by The New Ace of Spies
Summary: Each chapter reflects on the life of a Mary-Sue/Gary Stu, OOC character. This is a parody! I know that Rachel doesn't like Clarion's Finishing School for Ladies or that Nico's not the most popular guy at Camp Half-Blood. A PARODY! Some unusual parings.
1. Rachel

**So this is just a bunch of parodies with MARY-Sue's, OOC, spelling and grammar mistakes. IT'S A PARODY!**

O-M-G! So today I saw this purse and it was like 80% off. *Squeals* IT'S MADE OUT OF CROCODILE SKIN! Boo to saving animals! Yeah to Gossip Girl life!

Oh yeah.

My name, is, the most fab name of all. I bet your already jealous. *Giggles*

IT'S RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE!

I knew it! You are _SO _jealous!

See, my daddy's a rich and famous contractor! He kills animals! HE'S MY HERO!

Back to my story.

So I was like walking through this horrid camp called Camp Half-Blood.

I mean seriously, no private limos, or clubs, or anything COOL!

You might ask, how did the fab Rachel Elizabeth Dare get in such a horrid place? I-It's very sad.

See, there was this evil god called Apollo. AND HE KIDNAPPED ME! Then he stuffed this Orange from the Deli or something like that down into my body and now I'M STUCK HERE

FOREVER! I have perfect memory, so I should know.

Or that's what he told me. I ran to my daddy crying and to make it up for me, he sent me to my most favorite school in the world!

CLARION'S FINISHING SCHOOL FOR LADIES!

I was soooooooooo excited. I mean come on! Don't _you _want to learn sewing and wear dresses EVERYDAY?! I do!

But at the end of the year, I had to go back to the camp that I'm forced to do horrible labor in.

What type of labor?

Spout out prophecies. It hurts I tell you! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH PAIN!

I thought once I was going to die.

So did my bff NICO DI ANGELO!

Back to the story.

So I was walking through the camp, when someone screams.

"RACHEL!"

I turn around, and I see...

...

...

THE HOTTEST GUY ON EARTH!

A.K.A. Percy Jackson.

His shaggy jet black hair blew in the wind, revealing those gorgeous sea green eyes. His muscles bulged under his shirt. He was just perfect. *Sighs*

"RACHEL! I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK!" he screams.

See, Percy's the only cool thing about Camp.

He gives me a bear hug and kisses me on the lips.

HE IS THE BEST BOYFRIEND!

Behind him, I see the devil... ANNABEL!

Wait... That doesn't sound right.

Annali? Anna? Bethany? Bethanna? WELL WHO CARES?!

Tee hee.

Her gray eyes wanted to kill me. You can ask, how do I know? BECAUSE I CAN READ MINDS!

I know, I'm perfect.

Anna-whatever Girl starts to run, ready to grab my hair. BUT I HAVE AN INVISIBLE, RANDOM FORCE FIELD!

She bounces back as she collides with the force field.

She stands up, and shakes her fist at me.

"This isn't the end, Raquel!"

I sniffed. She didn't even know my name!

Percy turns around, his eyes glaring with hatred.

"ANNIE BELL LEAVE!" he screams. Annie Bell starts to cry.

"B-but I thought you loved me!"

"No!" Percy screams. "I love the most perfect girl in the world... RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE!"

Annie Bell screams and ran away.

I could hear from a mile away crying, BECAUSE I HAD SUPER HEARING!

Aren't I perfect?!

**I know I made tons of mistakes... BECAUSE IT'S A PARODY! So did you like it? And which rather next time: Nico or Annabeth?**


	2. Nico

**Please, if your going to flame me on how you hate me because I put Perachel, really that's just rude. And anyway, I wrote unusal pairings. Ah my personal new favorite shipping is Lee Fletcher/Bianca. Lolz.**

**Can someone explain to some people what parodies mean? Because they're flaming saying that this didn't happen at all in TLO. I KNOW IT DIDN'T! It's called a **

**P-A-R-O-D-Y. This is my personal favorite chapter.**

I high fived Mr. D, after all, I _was_ the most popular guy in history. EVEN HADES LOVES ME!

Oh wait. He's my dad.

I am the the most _perfect _guy in the world, after all, what's there not to hate about the most SOCIAL, HOTTEST, NON-GOTH, COLORFUL guy on Earth?

You got that right!

I am the famed... NICO DI ANGELO!

You can ask, since your perfect, did you have a good life?

Actually, no.

See... There was this evil teacher called Dr. Thorn, and he hypnotized my sister, Bianca into making her life ambition to commit suicide!

You may ask, _how _did she do that?

She decided it would be fun if she made a robot do the funky chicken.

Dr. Thorn tried to do that with me, but I stopped him with my hotness. Yes, you heard me.

Then I had to run away because everyone was after my popularity. SO I HID IN CAMP HALF-BLOOD!

And it was there, that I had many girlfriends.

It started with Thalia. But she was forced to join the Hunters of Artemis. *Sniffs* And that was because Artemis was jealous.

Then it was Annabeth. WE HAD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FUN!

Then there was Juniper! While her boyfriend was away in exile, we dated! But then he came back. Boo.

BUT THERE IS SUCH A LONG LIST OF GIRLS THAT WANT ME!

It's scary.

So anyway, after the Second Titan War, where I heroically brought out thousand dead warriors out, I was back in Camp.

"Hey Nico!" said Katie Gardner, batting her eyelashes furiously. I gave her a small smile, which she fainted at.

My 24/7 personal doctors sighed and made sure Katie didn't have a heart attack.

See, I _had _to hire doctors. Even a small smile, could make people have heart attacks. So the doctors were always behind me, ready for service.

I'm _that _awesome.

"NICO!" shrieked a voice. I turned around, to get a hug from Annabeth. Her blond hair swirled in the air, her gray eyes beautiful, as always.

She planted a big fat kiss on my cheek.

"Hi Annabeth!" I said. I coule hear girls from the Aphrodite cabin, a mile away, sigh.

How?

BECAUSE NOT ONLY DO I HAVE SUPER HOTNESS, BUT I ALSO HAVE SUPER HEARING!

We skipped happily toward the pavillion, to have jealous glances from random girls, and Percy.

Suddenly, a girl from the Ares cabin, I think her name was Clarissa. Wait... CLARISSE! Did I mention I also have perfect memory?

Anyway, Clarisse stood up. She looked at Annabeth.

"I challenge you to a duel! The winner gets the hottest guy at Camp!"

"YOUR ON!" screamed Annabeth. She loved me furiously and was never going to leave me. Same here.

But then again, as Annabeth prepared to fight, grabbing her knife, I stood up from the Hades table, the coolest table at Camp.

"Stop!" I ordered. Clarisse gasped. "Now, lets not fight! Peace!" I smiled a big smile at her. She fainted. The 24/7 doctors went over.

"Dead," one announced.

"NICO! NICO! NICO! NICO!" Camp chanted. They lifted Annabeth and me on their shoulders and marched toward the Cabins.

"PARTY TIME!" I screamed.

"YEAH! GO NICO!"

Suddenly, a hell hound appeared. Just randomly. It charged at Annabeth.

"Don't worry, Annabeth!" I yelled heroically. "I shall save you!" I jumped in front of the hell hound. It stopped as it wagged its tail.

And then, magically, a giant bone appeared in my hand.

How?

BECAUSE I HAVE MAGICAL POWERS TOO!

I gave to the hell hound, who was so honored, left.

"Oh Nico! My hero!" shrieked Annabeth. She planted another kiss on my cheek.

"Yes!" boomed a voice. I turned around, and saw...

...

...

...

...

ZEUS! AND ALL THE OTHER OLYMPIANS!

"Nico, since you are so hot and awesome," Zeus started. "And you've had such a horrible past, WE'RE GOING TO MAKE YOU GOD OF HOTNESS, AWESOMENESS, AND COUPLES!"

"I'm part of my job up for _you!" _shrieked Aphrodite. She planted a kiss on my cheek. Annabeth glared at her, nostrils flaring.

"Thanks, Zeus! Can Annabeth also be the goddess of that?!" I asked.

"SURE!" yelled Zeus.

"I LOVE YOU, ANNABETH!" I screamed at her.

"I LOVE YOU TOO, NICO!" she screamed back.

**24/7 doctor. *clicks tounges, shaking head laughing hysterically* Hahaha. Which one next: Luke or Annabeth. Oooooh, or Mr. D? I have a good one on him.**


	3. Annabeth

**Oh my f****** gods. I just came back from this camp trip. And I'm exhausted. Anyway, this one is EXTERMLY stupid. Oh! And no offense to Gossip Girl lovers(I'm one too) **

I skipped happily toward archery.

"Your an hour early, O your Highness!" Chiron cried.

They've been calling me Highness ever since I saved Western Civilization from destruction! And also because I'm smarter than my mom, Athena!

Yup, you got that right!

For I am... ANNABETH MINERVA CHASE!

"I don't care, Chiron! I'm only here to set my eyes on someone!"

Suddenly, someone bumped into me.

"Hey–" I started to say, but I stopped immediatly. You want to know why?

BECAUSE I CAN SEE FROM THE BACK OF MY HEAD TOO! EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO EYES!

And guess who I saw?

The hottest guy ever... Most beautiful, breathtaking soul I had ever seen!

Mr. D.

But then, another person bumps into me.

And guess who I see?

Also, the hottest guy ever... Most beautiful, breathtaking soul I had ever seen!

Percy Jackson.

"You must choose, Annabeth for you are so awesome and hot!" yells Chiron over the guys' sighs over me.

But I always choose the best choice so I have confidence.

"I CHOOSE PERCY JACKSON!" I scream. Mr. D sobs dramatically.

"Can I kiss you at least?"

"SURE!" I say eagerly.

Mr. D planted a fat kiss on me.

"Bye bye, Annie Bell, my love!" he yells as he skips with Chiron toward the Big House.

So Percy starts drooling all over my shirt and I look at him dreamily.

"So... Percykins, what do you wanna do?" I ask.

"LETS GO WATCH GOSSIP GIRL AND TURN OURSELVES INTO VEGATABLES!" he screams.

I giggle and bat my eyelashes.

"You're so smart, Percykins! Even though I'm smarter!" I grab his hand and we skip toward the Big House which has Chiron's personal T.V.

How do I know?

BECAUSE I'M SMART!

I turned on the T.V. But when I turn to see Percy, instead I find...

BECKENDORF!

"Hi Annabeth!" he says with a silly grin.

"WHERE'S MY PERCYKINS???!" I screamed, starting to analyze every move.

"I KILLED HIM!"

I scream, starting to cry.

"Joking. Sheesh."

Suddenly, there's a shadow. And then another shadow.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" I screamed.

The people stepped out of the shadow. I groaned. It was...

Poseidon and Athena.

Athena had a long dress with puffy skirts and an umbrella. Her black hair was in a bun and she had long gloves like in the Victorian age. Meanwhile, Poseidon had a suit on with a top hat. Weird.

"Cupcake," Athena starts. "Your step-father and I–"

"STEP-FATHER?!"

"–Decided it would be best if you and Percy got married NOW!" Athena giggled like an idiot. "Yes, Poseidon and I got married! Now, why don't you marry Percy?"

"OKAY!" I screamed. What a chance in a lifetime! I know it is!

Poseidon smiled. "I knew you would want to marry Percy. But Percy is too scared to propose."

Poof! Aphrodite appeared holding Percy.

"And that's why I'm here!" she screams, making me go deaf. "Come out now dear!"

Mr. D appeared. He bent down in one knee and took out a dented rusty ring.

"Annabeth, will you marry me?!" he asks dramatically.

"Ew, where did you get that?" I yelled.

"IN THE JUNKYARD OF THE GODS OF COURSE!" he yells. Then Mr. D lowers his voice. "Pwease?"

Athena makes a face. "NO! I WANTED PERCY!"

Aphrodite sighs. "So cute..." she mutters, as if she going to sleep.

"NO!" I scream. "I-WANT-MY-PERCYKINS!"

Beckendorf gives me a bear hug. "MARRY ME, ANNABETH!"

I inch away. "That's not how you propose."

Percy's eyes twitches. Finally he comes to me, running at full speed.

He tackles me and throws me over his shoulder.

"YAY! I WIN!" he screams. Ares appears.

"Now that's how you do it, kiddo!" he slaps him on the back. "Bff's again?"

"SURE!" Percy screams.

"Wait, what?" I asked. Bff's? Talking to Ares? WHERE WAS MY PERCYKINS?!

"Ares taught me that to marry the love of your life, you have to wrestle her and throw her over your shoulder. THAT MEANS I'M A SPARTAN!" Percy takes out Riptide and pretends to fight a tree.

I roll my eyes.

"So," Aphrodite starts. "Who do you choose?" she presses.

"Um... None of you proposed correctly _during this time period, _I said, glaring at Percy, who blushed. "BUT I DEEPLY LOVE PERCY!"

I jump into his arms. "I LOVE YOU PERCYKINS!"

"I LOVE YOU ANNABETH! A.K.A. YOUR HIGHNESS!"

**The way Percy proposed is the way the Spartans actually did it. So yeah. I WANT REVIEWS! Who do you want next: Mr. D or Bianca?**


	4. Mr D

**Sooooooooo I love these reviews! Continue the work!**

I smiled widely at my favorite camper, Percy Jackson! Percy Jackson was just pure awesome, everyday he would come over and we would play cards. Of course, I always won.

And exactly who am I?

I AM MR. D!

Yes, I'm the almighty god of wine and partying but that's SUCH a long story. *giggles*

And then again, everyone asks how exactly did I get myself into becoming the director of this awesome. Well here's the answer.

It was Visit you kid's School Day, which we gods made an exception to making it into Visit your kid at Camp Half-Blood Day.

So anyway, I was with my darling twin sons. They were just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lovable!

I was hugging one of them hard, I think it was Castor. NO WAIT! It was Pollux.

The then director came over. By the way, the former director was Julius Caesar, Zeus' bastard of a son.

Julius grabbed a whip that was hanging from his belt, his huge creepy eyes glaring at me. Stalker. But it's okay. I have SOOOOOOOOOOO MANY STALKERS BECAUSE I'M HAWT!

"Pollux twenty push ups while I whip you!" he barked at my son. Pollux cringed.

"Why?" he demanded. Ooooooh. My kid had courage.

"FOR HUGGING YOUR DAD OF COURSE!" Julius yelled. "_DUH!_"

Pollux gasped. "OMG I FORGOT! Zeus I forgot! I can't hug my father on this day! PLEASE! GIVE ME MERCY!" Can't hug father on this special day? _What?_

"Sorry kiddo," Julius said with an evil grin. "Now start."

"I'm sorry, so lovable Dad," Pollux said, taking his blond hair out of his eyes. He slowly laid down on the floor and with difficulty started a push up.

Julius whipped him once, twice. I grabbed my other son, Castor, for comfort.

You should have seen Julius' eyes. There was glory and power in them.

Pollux couldn't make it. I understand him. He's my kid.

"STOP!" I yelled. Pollux slumped on the ground. I snapped my fingers and he was well again.

Hey, I'm the one with super cool, never limited powers.

Then I pointed my finger at Julius Caesar murderously.

"Lord, I can explain–"

"I DON'T NEED AN EXPLAINING! I'M PERFECT!" I roared. "Get your father, Bastard!" Julius scrambled for Zeus.

I turned toward Pollux. "You okay, Son?"

He nodded. "I-I'm sorry I let you down."

"That's Hades," I muttered. "Get up." He shakily stood up.

Zeus came hurrying with Julius at his heels.

"Son, what happened?!" he demanded, out of breath.

I pointed at Julius Caesar. "HE IS THE WORST DIRECTOR! I WANT TO FIRE HIM!"

Zeus cocked his head. "But who'll take over?!"

"ME!" I yelled happily.

Zeus smiled.

And I don't regret taking the job, after all, I love each camper dearly and THEY LOVE ME THE SAME! Every night, we have a huge party with wine and punch and LIFE AT CAMPIS JUST AMAZING!

Anyway, back to the story.

Percy Jackson flashed a grin and walked over.

"Hey D-Man! DJ Thalia is back in da house!" I groaned. Green Day _again _for this party.

"Dude, why can't we put like DJ Grover or DJ Chiron!" I complained. Percy slapped me in the back kindly.

" 'S okay, Man. We'll trash da party!" I hugged Percy.

"Bffals?" Percy laughed.

"Best friends for life and death? Totally!"

I LOVE CAMP!

**Interesting... What do you think? Next: Bianca or Thalia?**


	5. Thalia

**OMG FINALLY! I had been on the computer very little lately so I didn't have time to write this chapter. All my other stories will be updated as soon as possible. Also check out my new collection of one shots! This chapter is a bit short.**

** What can I say?**

GREEN DAY SUCKS! They're like all emo and anti color. GOTHS. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. They give me nightmares.

And seriously, the color black is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lame. I LOVE SHOCKING PINK! AND DRESSES!

OMG dresses are like the best invention the world has invented!

Guess who I am!

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!

I'M THE AMAZING THALIA GRACE!

Did I mention I adore Jesse McCartney? He's soooooooooo hot. And he has a great voice!

HE EVEN LOOKS LIKE LUKE!

Luke, is my most awesome hot boyfriend who joined Kronos. But just like Paris and Helen, we didn't let anything get between our love.

So we ended up killing hundreds of spirits, people, etc. JUST SO WE COULD BE TOGETHER!

We've already decided we want Kronos to be the dude who says all the crappy stuff about our life at the wedding! The mister.

Wait, that doesn't sound right. Miester? Miner? Meester?

Whatever, seriously, I can't spell with my disorder, Dslecia. Dusclia. Dielxia. Dionysus.

WHATEVER!

Did I also mention that Hera's my bff?

TOTALLY! WE'RE LIKE TWINS!

Anyway, so one day, I was walking in my pink frilly dress that had lots and lots of lace on it. I could barely walk and breathe in it. But my fashion statement is fashion takes along sacrifices. EVEN IF THE SACRIFICE IS DYING, I'LL KNOW I WAS WEARING BEAUTIFUL CLOTHING! Then Hera runs up to me.

"OMG ANTHROPOLOGIE DRESSES ARE NOW 70% OFF!"

We both shrieked and started to giggle. The recession is TRULY awesome! We literally get some stuff for free!

"I am sooooo there!" I cried happily.

Hera started too hum Barbie Girl as we tried to run in our old fashioned dresses toward the store.

"OMG!!!!!!!!!" I screamed. "I LOVE THAT SONG!"

Hera shrieked.

"YOU DO?! IT'S MY FAVORITE SONG EVER!"

"I'm a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World!" I started to sing.

Suddenly, someone tackles us from behind. Or tried to.

"CLARISSE!" I shrieked, smiling. "YOU LOOK GREAT!"

She sure did in her brain damaging dress full of pounds of silk cloth. What fun it must be walking around with twenty pounds of cloth on your body!

"Hullo!" cried another voice. I turned around to see Aphrodite in her hunting outfit, leather pants and shoes and a green tunic, with her bow and quiver of arrows slung behind her back. "What have I missed?"

Hera scowled. "Why don't you ever wear a dress?!"

Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "I don't have a life in those dresses! They're heavy, annoying and you can't walk in them! Plus, I'm Tom Boy!"

I screamed in horror. "WHAT?! THAT MEANS YOU CAN'T MARRY!"

Aphrodite spat on the floor, glaring at the floor.

"Do you think I want to marry?! Love is nothing in the world! HEAR ME, WOMEN! LOVE IS NOTHING!"

Clarisse gasped. "What? Love is everything! WAR IS BAD!"

Aphrodite shook her head. "Love is not my game. NOW PARTYING IS!"

Suddenly, Chiron galloped up.

"Ready, Lady Afro?" I didn't frown because I was so perfect. SEE, I HAVE THE POWER TO SEE IN THE FUTURE!

So I saw exactly what would happe, and this is what happened.

Aphrodite snapped her fingers and her blond hair curled up into an afro.

"TIME TO PARTY!" she screamed. Hera sighed.

"I think she's drunk."

Chiron laughed a crazy laugh and ran in circles with Aphrodite on his back.

"I think you mean both are drunk," I muttered, with my perfect knowledge of how drunk people act.

"THALIA!" screamed a voice. I looked behind me as Luke ran into me.

"Luke!" I shrieked. "I LOVE YOU!"

Luke frowned. "Um... Dudette? Didn't you know I'm dating Lady Annabeth?"

"WHAT?!" I screamed. Someone tackled me with a hug.

"Don't worry, Thalia!" cried Nico di Angelo. "I love you!"

**What do you think? I found it really random. What do you want next: Aphrodite or Artemis?**

**REVIEWS!**


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